A Christmas Carol
by Anke
Summary: On the night before Christmas Eve Kathryn Janeway is visited by three ghosts. Translation of my German fanfic "Ein Weihnachtslied in Prosa" and an Advent calendar-story, you'll get one chapter each day till Christmas.
1. December, the 1st

**A Christmas Carol**

**Summary:** On the night before Christmas Eve Kathryn Janeway is visited by three ghosts. Translation of my German fanfic "Ein Weihnachtslied in Prosa" and an Advent calendar-story.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Trek, Paramount does.

**AN:** Again I'd like to thank my friend Bettina for helping me with the translation of this story – you are just great!

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**December, the 1st**

Seska was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of her burial was signed by the Doctor and Tuvok. Captain Janeway signed it: and Janeway's name was good upon 'Change, for anything she chose to put her hand to, be it in the Alpha or the Delta Quadrant. Seska was as dead as a burnt out plasma coil.

Janeway knew she was dead? Of course she did.

How could it be otherwise? Janeway found Seska's lifeless body in her ready room and she, Tuvok and Neelix had been the only ones to attend the drear funeral on a godforsaken moon.

The mention of Seska's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Seska was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Marley died before "A Christmas Carol" began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his nightly appearance some Christmas Eve. Not more than any other gentleman of advanced years, who allowed himself a little prank on an old colleague after calling it a day.

When Kathryn Janeway thought of Seska, which was rare enough, it was not without some regret. With her sharp intellect and her ingenuity Seska would have been an asset to the crew of Voyager. But Seska had decided to use her skills in a most destructive manner and had thus finally torn herself to destruction and death.

Once upon a time – of all the good days in the year, on the day before Christmas Eve – Kathryn Janeway sat busy in her ready room and worked her way through a stack of reports. Formerly the Holiday Season had been Kathryn's favorite time of the year. But over the years, she had become more and more indifferent to Christmas, life as a Starfleet officer left little time for such sentimentality. And since Voyager stranded in the Delta Quadrant, the Christmas festivities had become a painful reminder to Kathryn that her crew should be really with their families at home in the Alpha Quadrant. Of course she had not banned Tom and Neelix the annual Christmas party, but personally she valued Prixin much more. Prixin was not biased by memories.

Kathryn groaned inwardly as the door alarm chirped, she knew exactly what was coming. And actually a radiant Neelix walked into her ready room.

"Captain, I'm here to let you know that the preparations for our annual Christmas party tomorrow are almost finished."

"Thank you, Mr. Neelix."

A cynical accountant in Kathryn's head began to calculate how many valuable resources they would probably waste for this celebration. The loss of working time, formal dresses, food, gifts, everything spent for this one evening... Of course Kathryn knew how important the celebration was for the morale of her crew and that it was the use of resources more than worth, but this didn't made the accountant to shut up.

"I hope you will attend?" Neelix asked meanwhile hopefully.

"I'm afraid not, Neelix," Kathryn said with more regret in her voice than she actually felt.

"But Captain, it is Christmas and as head of family, you really should ..."

"Neelix, I said no," Kathryn summoned sharper than intended. "There is a lot I have to do and I fear our enemies here in the Delta Quadrant, do not care about whether we celebrate Christmas."

Neelix looked sadly at her. "I understand, Captain, I'm sorry that I bothered you. If you change your mind, you know where the holo-deck can be found ... We would all be very happy ... especially Naomi ... we are planning to bake brownies."

Neelix retreated under the strict eye of his captain. Kathryn hissed angrily as the doors closed behind him. That he dared to mention Naomi Wildman. Especially this girl really deserved celebrating a proper Christmas; at home with her father and grandparents, not here in the Delta Quadrant, and certainly not with her mother's Captain as the highlight of the evening

Still annoyed Kathryn turned back to her console and delved back into her work. Until well after the end of her shift she processed the last report. Kathryn threw a last glance at the screen, but instead of the familiar logo of Starfleet for an instance she saw Seska's face grinning cheekily.

Kathryn shook her head. When she looked at the screen again, only the Starfleet logo was visible. It would be wrong to say that this phenomenon left Kathryn completely cold, but in her seven years in the Delta Quadrant, she had been through far too much to be impressed by such a little imagination.

"Humbug, you are revised, Janeway," she grumbled and made her way to her quarters. On her way she almost collided with Tom Paris. The pilot was smiling and whistled a Christmas song to himself. Fortunately a single look was all it took to silence him. Kathryn was not in the mood for Christmas carols.

Arriving in her quarters, Kathryn threw her uniform jacket on a chair and replicated herself a cup of broth. In this season, she could not even go to the mess hall. Not since Neelix had decorated it with fir and mistletoe and had programmed the audio processors to play the greatest classics of Christmas music permanently. Probably Tom Paris had helped him with the selection. This would explain the excess share of music of the 20th Century in any case. Kathryn was sure she would have to cry if she had to hear "Last Christmas" one more time.

A few more days and everything will be back to normal, she comforted herself as she climbed into her bed. Ideally she would sleep through the next days and just show up again when this madness would be over.


	2. December, the 2nd

**December, the 2nd**

Kathryn awoke by the pulsating light of the red alert, which was really weird because the associated audio signal remained silent and in her quarters were no alarm lights. Instantly she jumped up and started searching for the cause of this strange light phenomenon with her tricorder. As she entered the living room, she, who was always ready for anything live could bring – and as you may know, life in the Delta Quadrant could bring the most amazing things – she turned pale on an instant. On the sofa Seska was sprawling quite cheekily, or at least someone or something that imitated Seskas Cardassian face perfectly was.

"How now!" said Kathryn, caustic and cold as she pointed her tricorder on the phenomenon.

"What do you want from me?"

"Many things!" Seska's voice, no doubt about it.

"Who are you?"

"Ask me who I was."

"Who were you then?" said Kathryn, raising her voice. "You're particular, for a shade." She was going to say "to a shade," but substituted this, as more appropriate.

"In life I was Seska – once member of your crew, then your favorite enemy."

Kathryn shot a contemptuous look at the purported Seska.

"You don't believe in me," observed the Ghost.

"I don't," said Kathryn.

"What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?"

"I don't know," said Kathryn and changed the scan mode of the tricorder – inconclusive.

"Your scans bring no results. Why do you doubt your senses?"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. This question just by Seska, mistress of deceit?

"Because," said Kathryn, "a little thing affects them. As a scientist, I believe in everything else rather than a supernatural phenomenon. You could be a holographic projection, a hallucination, or one of Q's jokes."

"Of course, the ever skeptic Janeway," Seska said, bitterly. "You never trusted me when I was alive, why should you do it now?"

"You might tell me what you want and we will bring the matter to an end," Kathryn said, exasperated. She wanted to get back into her bed.

"It is required of every man," the ghost replied most theatrically, "that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world – oh, woe is me! – and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!"

"Aha," Kathryn said skeptically. Seska's appearance had left her amazingly cold. "And now you wander on Voyager. Why?"

"As you can imagine, Captain," said Seska with her normal voice, "it's just not satisfying to spend ones time as a", Seska searched for the right word, "manifestation. But if you collect enough points, there is the chance for redemption."

"We're talking about some form of afterlife with heaven, hell and salvation?" Kathryn asked mockingly.

"You got it, Captain," Seska said icily.

"And I suppose you're here to help me in any way in order to earn these points."

"That's right, if you help a former enemy, there will be even bonus points."

"Bonus points!" Kathryn had to restrain herself. This was absurd.

Seska nodded. "Of course they know that's the only reason you're doing it, but apparently it counts anyway."

"I'm sorry, Seska – or whoever you are – but I won't let you help me in any way."

"I thought so, so I will send you three ghosts you will probably trust more. Use this opportunity or leave it, Kathryn, I've done what I could," replied the Seska-onset and faded slowly.

"Humbug," Kathryn muttered as she stared at the spot where Seska had just been standing. "This is no Dickens novel."

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**AN:** Reviews are very much appreciated ;-)


	3. December, the 3rd

**December, the 3rd**

* * *

Kathryn could not rest. What was she to make of Seska's sudden appearance and disappearance? For a short moment she even considered visiting sickbay. Perhaps she had just caught a virus that would explain this – hallucination. Or maybe it was food poisoning? Unlikely, she had not eaten at the mess hall for weeks.

But what if it was not a hallucination?

"Humbug," Kathryn scolded herself. Many years in Starfleet had taught her that indeed much more was possible in this universe than the mind of a scientist could believe – but a purified Seska who came after her death to her assistance? That was just ridiculous.

"Besides, I do not need assistance," she said aloud.

"I'm not so sure."

Kathryn turned around. The square on the couch, which had been occupied by Seska previously, was now dominated by a cheerfully grinning elderly gentleman. He was a little plump, had gray hair and even without the old-fashioned Starfleet uniform Kathryn recognized him right away.

"You're not Captain James T. Kirk."

"Really?" grinned the phenomenon. "Well, if you mean that I am not the man Kirk in flesh and blood and such, then you're quite right actually. I'm not. But what I am is the spirit of Captain Kirk and I'm here to ..."

"... To bring the spirit of Christmas?" Kathryn asked sarcastically, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want to be rude but I do not plan to participate in a farce by Charles Dickens."

"In a farce?" Kirk looked serious now. "Kathryn, I'm here to help you."

"If you want to help me, just disappear. I have a ship to run, and it would really help me if I could find some sleep at last."

The Kirk-ghost laughed. "You really are not to be impressed easily, Kathryn. But believe me, this is anything but a – how did you put it? – farce."

"I do not understand what you want from me – Captain Kirk," Kathryn said in lack of a better address, "I'm not greedy."

"Oh, just call me Jim. No, no one can accuse you of greediness, my dear, rather the opposite: too much sacrifice," said Kirk seriously. "You're a great Captain, Kathryn. Not many of your colleagues could have achieved what you did the past seven years, believe me. But now you're about to lose yourself. Eventually nothing of the true Kathryn will be left and you will be nothing but the cold shell of a Captain."

Maybe it was the brutal truth in these words, which prevented Kathryn from going off at this moment. Who knows, maybe everything what was going to happen could have been prevented. But Kathryn left her communicator untouched – although later she often asked herself how it had happened that apparently she had lost every Starfleet reflex that night.

Kirk stood up, put out his hand and grabbed Kathryn's arm. "Follow me."

Kathryn tried to resist, wanted to argue that she could not leave her ship (as it was somehow clear to her that Kirk did not want to remain on Voyager), that she was wearing only her pajamas, that she really was too tired and not in the mood for this trip. But she wasn't able to resist Kirk's hand.

"Trust me, Kathryn," he said warmly, and as strange as it was, Kathryn felt she could trust him. And the moment she became aware of this, the walls of her quarters crumbled down around them. The next moment she and Kirk had already left Voyager, the stars whizzed past them, the galaxy seemed to turn away and bang, suddenly Kathryn was back on solid ground.


	4. December, the 4th

**December, the 4th**

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Kathryn looked around. She and Kirk were on a country lane surrounded by a vast snowy landscape.

"Do you know where we are?" asked Kirk.

"Of course I do, we are on earth, in Indiana – we are at home."

"Then you know the way?"

Kathryn nodded.

Slowly, the two captains went down the path. The night was clear and freezing cold. The white band of the Milky Way twinkled above them. Kathryn asked herself only marginally why she, despite the thin pajamas and bare feet felt like she was wearing her thickest winter coat and warm boots. She was much too busy with all the things she saw. Kathryn knew every tree, every post they went passed – all the things she had secretly believed never to see again. Finally, they approached the small town in which Kathryn had grown up. Quietly it lay under a thick layer of snow. The Christmas lights on the main street were shut down, but by many a window, she could still spot the glitter of a Christmas tree. Finally, they draw near an old farm house that was off behind the town. The windows were decorated with countless paper stars, their individual shapes revealed more enthusiasm than dexterity.

Kathryn smiled. "I remember these stars. My mom had always taken the view that replicated Christmas decorations is soulless and forced Phoebe and me to tinker every year. As far as I was concerned it always ended in a major disaster."

Kirk chuckled to himself. "At least you can really say that these stars have a personality."

Together, the two captains entered the house. Kathryn drew in the familiar scent. It smelled of pine, beeswax candles, the brownies her mother made and a bit of coffee. She had no inkling of just how much she had missed this special blend.

One corner of the living room was dominated by a large tree. Ever since Kathryn could think, her mother had decorated the tree in the same way: red and golden Christmas ball ornaments, straw stars and real candles. The fireplace was decorated with a wonderful garland and two large Christmas stockings. The pink one with the golden stars and the "P" was her sister Phoebes, while her own showed the Starfleet emblem. Kathryn remembered well, she had been six years old when her father had given her this special Christmas stocking

She walked over to the fireplace quietly and looked at the photos exhibited on the mantelpiece. They mainly showed Phoebe and herself at different ages. The last picture seemed to had been taken in the summer and showed the two of them on the big swing in the garden. Kathryn estimated that she could not have been older than eight years. Kathryn wanted to straighten the image when a noise made her driving around. Two little girls in long white nightgowns crept gently down the stairs.

"But what if he sees us, Kathy?" The younger one of the two girls asked pitifully.

"He will not see us Phoebs," said Kathryn's younger self superiorly. "But if you want to be a little cowardly baby, you can also go back to bed."

"I'm not a baby," sniffed the still very small Phoebe, while the two girls were building a nest of blankets and pillows behind the sofa and took cover.

"Do you remember?" asked Kirk.

"Of course." Kathryn blinked away a few tears. "That was the Christmas, I intended to find out how Santa delivers his presents. Berti Wooster in my class said he would just be beaming the parcels through the chimney, but I was convinced that Santa Claus creates its own space-time singularity and appears in every living room personally. Of course at that age I had no idea what a space-time singularity actually is, but I loved the sound of that word. Anyway I had Phoebe and me down in the living room on the lookout to see Santa and to prove that Berti was totally wrong."

"And did you succeed?" Kirk asked amused.

"Of course not," laughed Kathryn. "We both woke up in our beds the next morning and Santa Claus had delivered his presents and left without a trace."

"Anyway, you've always had a remarkable zest and spirit of research," stated Kirk.

"You can tell," sighed Kathryn. "And that's probably the reason why I've decided to go to Starfleet, while Phoebe stayed on earth." Kathryn walked beside the two girls, who were now peacefully sleeping in their nest behind the sofa, crouched and stroked the smaller over the head. "Oh Phoebs, shall I ever see you again?"

"Sooner than you think," said Kirk.

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**AN:** Santa Claus loves assiduous revierws :-)


	5. December, the 5th

**December, the 5th**

* * *

"You are dump!"

The peaceful scenery around Kirk and Kathryn changed completely at an instance. This was still the same living room, but the silent scene they had witnessed just moment ago was unmistakably a few years further in time. The clumsy paper stars had been replaced by elaborate straw stars, which Kathryn identified as the work of her sister. Her own works had always been so crooked that her mother had eventually given up on her. Kathryn had always preferred calculating star movements to tinkering stars for decoration. Phoebe's stars, however had become more elaborate over the years. But not only the altered Christmas Decor revealed that a couple of years had passed, the clearest sign were the two teenage girls, who glared at each other furiously.

"A spirited couple, both of you," said Kirk, chuckling.

"I'd forgotten how beastly Phoebe could be when she wanted to," said Kathryn, frowning firmly.

"How can you dare to say, Daddy's obligations in Starfleet are more important than celebrating Christmas with us?" Phoebe's eyes filled with tears. "He is away so many times, but so far he had always managed to celebrate Christmas with his family."

The younger Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Daddy is a Starfleet captain and as such committed to secure peace in the galaxy, and not to the sensibilities of his wailing daughter. If I'm captain once, I will not even think about determining sentimentalism about my duty!"

"I fear in terms of beastyness you are each other's equal in any way," noted Kirk.

"Looks like it," Kathryn grumbled. She remembered this dispute well. It had been the first time that official duties made it impossible for Edward Janeway to celebrate Christmas with his family. All the years before, he came home or they visited him at his respective ship. This year, he had been on a deep space mission, meaning that both opportunities had been impossible. Phoebe had been devastated, and had quarreled with God, the world and especially Starfleet that they had to celebrate Christmas without their father this time. That was something Kathryn had just not been able to accept. Of course, she had been very sad herself and wished for her father to be there. But Phoebe insulting Starfleet was just not right.

Kathryn sighed; this had been the worst, no, the second-worst Christmas of her life. She did not even want to think about the other one.

In the meantime the dispute continued unabated. Phoebe had just accused Kathryn of being a heartless monster that would eventually sit on her beloved Captain chair lonely and filled with bitterness.

"Daddy regrets that he cannot be here at least. But you – you think that's good," she accused her sister.

The elder Kathryn went pale. "Is that what you're trying to tell me, Kirk?" she asked. "That Phoebe's prophecy will come true? That I'm an old, bitter witch of a captain who lives only according to the protocol and does not care about anything else?"

"Do you see yourself that way?" Kirk asked gently.

"Actually, no, sometimes, perhaps, a bit." Kathryn attempted to pull herself together. "The Starfleet protocol is there for a good reason and it has served me well on the way through the Delta Quadrant."

"However, life with one or another deviation from the protocol might be even more interesting," Kirk remarked with a wink.

"Interesting?"


	6. December, the 6th

AN: Yesterday's chapter was a bit sad, wasn't it? Well, I promise I'll make up for it!  
Enjoy today's chapter and if you'd like to leave a review, I've got absolutely no objections :-)

**December, the 6th**

* * *

Kathryn saw with regret how the walls of the living room were disintegrating around them. Even though they had just witnessed a nasty dispute, it had been such a wonderful feeling to be home again. But now she stood in the empty corridors of another building that Kathryn knew very well.

"The Academy," she whispered involuntarily, even though she knew that no one could hear her.

Since it was impossible to commit all the high holidays of each species of the Federation, Starfleet had decided to simply ignore them all long ago. And even if halfway around the globe the Christmas rush declined every year, Starfleet Headquarters and the Academy remained a bastion of sober objectivity. The Cadets were allowed to decorate their own bedrooms, nothing more. But one year, things had been different.

"Is this the year ...?" Kathryn inquired.

Kirk grinned from ear to ear, and pointed down the hall. A door opened, a dark figure peered through and waved some people who were hiding behind said door to follow.

Kathryn watched breathlessly as the door opened quietly and a group of cadets dragged a huge and bushy something slowly and carefully into the hallway.

Now someone stumbled, almost fell into the bushy something and cursed softly. Indignant hissing silenced him immediately.

The two captains followed the group quietly until they arrived at their destination: the great hall of the Academy.

There, the figures went to work immediately. It seemed like everything was planned with military precision. The man - or woman? the gender was hardly noticeable in the darkness – they saw first, gave orders with soft words and gestures, orders that were immediately followed by the remaining members of the group.

In no time, the group had transformed the bushy something into a beautiful Christmas tree, decorated with twinkling lights and shimmering red Christmas ball ornaments.

The leader - in the light of the tree one could clearly see a red plait which revealed that it had to be a woman - gave the signal to depart. While her cronies disappeared she turned one last time and put a little straw star between the branches. Then she slipped through a door and the spook was over. Only the lonely tree was shining in the quiet night, admired by two Starfleet captains from completely different times.

"What an operation," Kirk said, beaming. "I wish that had been my idea. This politically correct posturing had already left me on my nerves in my time."

"I remember the excitement the next morning well," Kathryn smiled. "The Bolians were quite indignant; the Betazoids insisted that in the face of the tree, everything should be decorated for their celebration of free love, too. The Andorians demanded that the tree should be removed immediately, what the Humans denied. Several felt that if the tree was already there they could also leave it. However the Vulcans argued that this would create a precedent for more inappropriate changes to the decoration according to the folk customs of each species present in the Federation."

"It must have been most shocking to our purist friends, I imagine," Kirk grinned.

"Especially Admiral C'Tum opposed vehemently," recalled Kathryn. "Have you ever heard of a practice called Carnival, which is cultivated in some parts of Germany? Apparently the Admiral was there at the wrong time at the wrong place ... Rumors go of a very humiliating incident with a Clown, some bottles of German beer – the proper stuff of course, no synthehol – and a Klingon disguised as a Tribble."

The two captains laughed softly to themselves.

"I wonder where they got this beautiful tree?" Kirk said thoughtfully as he was coming closer to the tree.

"Sabine, my roommate at the academy, descended from a family that owned vast forests in Canada," Kathryn said, seemingly just lost in thought. "She missed Christmas greatly and thought it a shame that it was no issue at the Academy - as did some others. There had even been a claim of responsibility, signed by the Christmas guerrilla."

"The Christmas guerrilla?" Kirk grinned. "I guess they were people who put humanity over rules at the right moment."

"They were young," Kathryn said. "Very young."


	7. December, the 7th

Thanks to everybody who is reviewing, following this story or putting it (or even yours truly) on his favorites list. I'm really really glad, you're enjoying this story.

**December, the 7th**

* * *

Kathryn looked around. She was in a dimly lit apartment, which was cluttered with half-packed boxes. Kathryn turned white.

"No, not this Christmas. Please."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," Kirk said sympathetically.

Kathryn walked to the half-empty book shelf; there was a well-known image with a black ribbon.

"Daddy," she whispered as she was retracing the contours of the familiar face behind the glass. From the moment she and Kirk appeared in this small apartment, everything was present again. The grief, despair and anger that had followed the death of her father. Kathryn remembered well how that year, every single "Merry Christmas" seemed to her like a pure mockery. How could there ever be a merry Christmas again when her beloved father was dead?

"But there had been merry Christmases again," Kirk said, as if he could read her mind and took her in his arms. And probably only because of Christmas Kathryn forgot that she was a strong and proud captain and acquiesced in the almost paternal embrace for a moment.

"I know," she said softly and broke away from Kirk's arms slowly. "But she doesn't."

Kathryn's younger self had just entered the room and Kathryn watched her dismayed. She looked so sad, tired and haggard. Her hair was tied to a messy ponytail and the way her black dress fluttered around her, betrayed that she had lost considerable weight. Kathryn almost wanted to hug herself, just as Kirk had done with her a few moments ago.

"Let her be," Kirk said quietly. "She has to go through this valley to get back up."

"I buried myself in work," recalled Kathryn. "There was so much to settle, the estate of my father, the funeral – Mom and Phoebe were so helpless."

"You, however, took charge of everything," Kirk said, pointing to the boxes, "made decisions. Always according to what you thought would be best for all. No matter if they agreed to it or not."

The buzzer went and the younger Kathryn opened the door.

"Phoebe! Did you come to help me packing?"

"I have come to help you unpacking!" The younger Janeway sister replied energetically.

Kathryn's eyes narrowed. "My decision is made up."

"Is it? And when had you deigned to tell us about that decision?" Phoebe asked sharply. "Tell me Kathryn, have you completely lost your mind that you want to give up your career in Starfleet?"

"But how can I proceed now, after Daddy died? How could I do that to you or Mum?"

"Heaven, Kath," Phoebe rolled her eyes. "You and your absolute insanely twisted sense of duty. If you put to give up your career in Starfleet because you're tired of space – well that would be okay. I'd honestly understand that. But giving up the dream of your life, just because of an absurd sense of duty to your mother and your sister, Kath, that's just stupid. You worked so hard and achieved so much already. You cannot just throw that away. "

"Of course I can." Kathryn stretched out her chin.

"Of course she can," Phoebe rubbed her forehead. "Sometimes you're more stubborn than a Klingon."

"I know what I'm owing to Mum," continued Kathryn, obdurately.

"You owe her fucking nothing," exploded Phoebe.

"But..."

"No, you're not. You owe nothing to mum, nothing to me and nothing to dad. The only one you owe everything to is yourself. This is about your life, Kath, all alone your life. "

"But Mum ..."

"What do think, who sent me here after one of Daddy's old colleagues told her about your renouncement? And do you really believe we want to spend our future life with a Kathryn Janeway, who wallows in her heroic duty to her family? No thanks, we don't! You may think that you're the only one grieving for Daddy. And that it's going to better with your sacrifice. But giving up your life won't help a bit. You are not born to be happy with an office job. You are born to fly out there." Phoebe had pulled the weakly protesting Kathryn to the window. "That's you, Kath," she said softly. "Just like Daddy. Don't give it up, not for our sake. Please."

"I do not know, Phoebe."

Phoebe hugged her older sister. "Come home, Kathy, come to rest over the holidays. And if you still think you should leave the fleet in the new year, then we'll see."

"You reconsidered your decision," Kirk said to Captain Janeway.

"I did," Kathryn nodded. "But was it a good decision? Now my mother has lost me, too."

"We shall see," said Kirk, "How the Ferengi say, 'it's billed at the end'."


	8. December, the 8th

**December, the 8th**

* * *

The walls around the two Captains disappeared once more and suddenly they found themselves in an office again. The room had a very strange appearance, the architecture, windows and doors were clearly Klingon as desk, chairs and the rest of the devices were as clearly the Starfleet standard. The desk looked like it had just been abandoned. Over the plate lay scattered a series PADDs, next to the picture of a smiling man in the uniform of a Starfleet admiral was a steaming cup.

"Do you know where we are?" said Kirk.

"Of course," said Kathryn. "That was my office during my diplomatic internship at Kronos."

"Diplomatic internship," snorted Kirk. "In my days, you could still be a commanding officer without such trifles."

"Oh, I benefited so much," recalled Kathryn. "I learned how to deal with a bat'leth and how to swear in Klingon."

"Both are very useful skills indeed," Kirk nodded. "Still, you don't give the impression that you are particularly happy to be here." He jerked his chin at a young woman with the insignia of a Lieutenant Commander, who was entering the room with just another pile of PADDs.

"What do you expect?" said Kathryn. "When there is one thing Klingons do not understand at all, it is why one should celebrate the birth of such a peacefu man. And they made no secret of their disregard. At Christmas time even Ferenginar is a better place to be. Although Ferengi have no understanding for the spiritual aspect, they are fascinated by the commercial aspect, which has developed around Christmas over the years. The entire human staff of the embassy on Kronos had taken off the Christmas holiday that year – only the interns had to stay of course, along with some Andorians and Vulcans. I expected the second worst Christmas of my life."

Kathryn watched her younger self, who was just sniffing unhappily at the steaming cup and added: "In addition, you could never make the Klingon replicators producing a decent cup of ordinary coffee. Raktajino yes, but the regular coffee was always of a peculiar tar scent. "

"That really sounds like hard times," Kirk smiled.

"I would almost have switched to tea," Kathryn said. "The replicators did a wonderful Earl Grey."

"But it didn't came this far," said Kirk.

"Fortunately not – because of him," Kathryn smiled as a dark-skinned Vulcan entered the office as did her younger self when she looked up from her PADDS.

"Tuvok"

"Commander Janeway," nodded the so joyously welcomed. "Here is the report you have asked me for."

"I could never make him address me informally, you know," Kathryn smiled. "But at least he tolerates my human exuberance."

"You got to know him here?" said Kirk.

"Yes, we worked together on issues of security of Federation citizens in the Klingon Empire. I grew fond of him very quickly, but of course I had no idea what he thought of me for a long time, until ... "

"... Now," added Kirk.

Tuvok had already turned to leave when he turned around again.

"Commander, I wanted to pass this to you." He brusquely handed the younger Kathryn a little package. Kathryn laughed involuntarily at the dumbfounded expression of her younger self. Carefully Commander Janeway opened the package, called out surprised and took an appreciative breath. Even Captain Janeway was almost dizzy from the wonderful aroma that filled the room now.

"Oh, Tuvok, that's wonderful. I do not know what to say. Thank you so much!"

"There is no need to thank me, Commander. I have observed that the regular intake of coffee increases your efficiency significantly."

"That's true, in fact," Commander Janeway laughed and drew in the scent joyfully.

"Merry Christmas, Commander," Tuvok said composedly.

"Merry ..." The younger Kathryn was choked with emotion. Tuvok nodded curtly and left the office.

"A Christmas gift from a Vulcan, what a rarity," said Kirk. "Even if it was only a logical course of action in order to increase your work efficiency."

"The greatest gift was not the coffee," Kathryn said thoughtfully. "The greatest gift was Tuvok showing his friendship."


	9. December, the 9th

AN: OMG, so many reviews, thank you so much. Now this translation has already more reviews then the whole original got last year. You are amazing, thank you, thank you (oh, I guess I already said that – twice…)

**December, the 9th**

* * *

Again the scene crumbled around them. Kathryn kept her happily smiling younger self and the coffee pack in sight as long as possible, but in just a split second they were both gone, and the two captains were in a snowy park

"The Central Park in New York," Kathryn said quietly. "I guessed that you would not miss this Christmas."

Kirk nodded. They walked in silence along the quiet paths, the snow on the trees glistened in the moonlight. Kathryn's heart grew heavy, when she saw how beautiful, how perfect everything was. After a few minutes they closed up to another couple that was walking through the park. The long red hair of the woman poured out from under a beige knit cap, the gray hair of the man was uncovered. Kathryn would have recognized him among thousands, and she found that even after all these years it still hurt to see him.

"Mark."

Her former fiancé and her younger self were wandering through the dark park completely lost in thought. The two captains followed them at a distance of a few meters. For a moment, Kathryn smiled at the thought of what people would probably think when they could see the pair of them; Kirk in his old uniform and she in pink silk pajamas. At the rink both couples stopped.

"You're right, Mark." Kathryn saw the breath of her younger self condensing in the cold of the night. "A walk through Central Park on Christmas Eve is really special."

"And I hope that this walk will be even more special," Mark Johnson said warmly. Kathryn knew immediately what was about to happen and her heart grew even heavier. Her younger self, however, was completely clueless.

"More special," she laughed.

"Very special," Mark said seriously. "I've got something for you."

He handed Kathryn a festively wrapped package.

"Even more Christmas presents?" asked Kathryn, the younger, laughing. "But we already had gift giving."

With the teeth she tugged at her glove to free a hand to open the parcel.

"No, not a Christmas present," said Mark. "Or, only if that's what you want."

"If that's what I want?" Kathryn asked while unwrapping the gift – a beautiful leather-bound copy of Dante's Divine Comedy. "And otherwise?"

"Otherwise, it could be my engagement present." Kathryn heard the faint tremor in Mark's voice, back then she had not noticed. "Kathryn Janeway, do you want to marry me?"

Kathryn saw how shocked she looked at the first moment and how very very happy at the second.

"Yes, Mark," she said roughly. "I'd love to marry you."

Out of nowhere Mark Johnson conjured a ring and put it on Kathryn's still gloveless hand before he pulled her to him and kissed her tenderly.

"A first-rate proposal," Kirk said approvingly. "The boy knows how to do it."

"It was our last Christmas together," Kathryn swallowed. "The next year I was on a major conference on Bajor and the following year Voyager was already stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Mark wanted to marry quickly, but I felt that we had so much time."

"A widespread Starfleet disease," said Kirk. "People are so inspired by their mission, that they forget their own lives completely. Was that way in my time already."

"I guess that's the lesson I should learn from the whole thing," said Kathryn, while they watched the happy couple at the rink, "that duty is not everything."

"Life is only worth living if you do not forget about humanity besides all the duty," said Kirk. "Even your Vulcans knows that – though he'd probably never admit it."

"That's all well and good," said Kathryn, bitterly. "But neither you nor Tuvok are responsible for stranding Voyager in the Delta Quadrant."

"You think you made them all miserable," Kirk said softly.

"I believe that it is my first responsibility to bring them back home safely," Kathryn replied. "Everything else is secondary."

"Indeed?" said Kirk. "Now this is no longer my issue. My colleague here is responsible."

Kirk pointed to the skating rink, where a figure was now approaching sweepingly.


	10. December, the 10th

AN: So, today we are going to meet the ghost of Christmas Present...

**December, the 10th**

* * *

"Captain Picard," Kathryn exclaimed in astonishment. Seeing the commanding officer of the flagship of the Federation on skates was something she never thought being possible.

Picard came to a halt with an elegant swing in front of her.

"Captain Janeway," he greeted her politely.

Kathryn was suddenly alarmed. "You're not ...?"

"Dead?" said Picard. "Not that I'm aware of."

"But Kirk ..." Kathryn turned to where her companion had just been standing, but Kirk was gone.

"I suppose, you shouldn't take this ghost business too seriously," Picard said as he sat down and took off his skates. "This experience takes place beyond the normal space-time structure. So everything is to be expected."

"Aha," Kathryn said and worried if the Picard of flesh and blood would probably have memories of this experience. She certainly hoped not. Not in view of her pink pajamas. If she had been wearing standard Starfleet sleepwear at least...

"You are probably the Ghost of Christmas Present?" she asked.

"You can tell. Not that I would ever have expected to play that role again. In the drama group at the Academy I once played Ebenezer Scrooge. Beverley – Dr. Crusher – said I was quite excellently suited for this role," Picard broke off embarrassed.

"And now you show me the wonders of this year's Christmas?"

"That's right, if you want to follow me."

Picard offered her his arm gallantly. Once Kathryn had taken it, it was suddenly bright day and the just so quiet park was full of life. Children and adults romped on the ice. Some turned their rounds very skillfully, while others just kept their balance, and still others did not manage even that. A fun party atmosphere hovered over everything. Kathryn heard rollicking laughter and screaming.

"I used to be very good at skating," she told Picard.

"Then you should definitely try holo-program Theta 42 once", Picard recommended. "A small lake at the foot of the snow-covered Bavarian Alps, beautiful – and the best simulation of a sheet of ice, not to speak of the mulled wine ..."

Kathryn and the ghost-Picard crossed Central Park and wandered through the streets of New York. She had visited the city many times before during Advent and at these visits she found the hustle and bustle of the people terribly. Today, her perception was different. Most people there were in a hurry indeed and rushed from store to store loaded with parcels, but Kathryn noticed the anticipation, which was below the whole hassle. The anticipation of the great festivity. Kathryn saw that certainly it weren't just humans who were subject to this anticipation. At this moment a Bajoran woman passed them wearing a Santa Claus hat, her hands full of countless bags, while a Trill man with a turkey was whistling "Jingle Bells" to himself. But Kathryn was particularly surprised to see a Cardassian, who strode along the Fifth Avenue carrying a Christmas tree on his shoulder.

"One might think that this Christmas is contagious," Picard smiled, following her gaze.

"And that in our rational century," Kathryn shook her head.

The two turned around a corner and suddenly they were no longer in New York, but on a small Christmas market. Behind the stalls loomed the silhouette of a well-known building. On the narrow alleys between the stalls many people in Starfleet-uniforms gathered. Kathryn smiled.

"The market behind Starfleet Headquarters. I came here so often when I attended the Academy."

Kathryn breathed in the familiar scents. Ktarian mulled wine, roasted almonds, Nuremberg Gingerbread, tallerian kind cotton candy – all memories of wonderful times.

"Not just you," Picard smiled. "This was probably the Christmas retreat for all of us, who felt the urge to flee from the sober Academy everyday life."

Just at this very moment a group of cadets passed them. As it seemed, some had done justice to the mulled wine a little too eagerly, as they sang "Silent Night" more loudly than beautifully.

"We were more musical at my time." Kathryn wavered between amusement and indignation.

"And at my time," laughed Picard. Then he offered her his arm again. "Come on, we have a couple of visits to do."


	11. December, the 11th

**December, the 11th**

* * *

Kathryn stood on the country lane in front of her home town again and again she followed the path through the familiar landscape. This time it was broad daylight and the streets of the town were full of life. Kathryn looked around curiously. Some changes had taken place during her absence. The bakery had a new shop sign and the bookstore had a new coat of paint. Kathryn remembered, how her mother had told her just before her departure that the MacKenzie sisters who owned the shop, had badly argued over the right color. Kathryn doubted whether this gaudy turquoise had really been worth it.

They passed Mr. Rabb on his bicycle. Mr. Rabb had been postman of this little town since Kathryn's childhood and was now delivering the last parcels and letters. It was amazing, that even after centuries; electronic communications had not displaced the handwritten letter completely. Although the letters, packages and parcels were just beamed to the nearest post office these days.

Kathryn ducked instinctively as a snowball flew by. It hit Clayton Webb, who had been mayor of the small community since time immemorial. He looked around for the culprits and soon he spotted two ten-year-old boys, who looked suspiciously innocent.

"Victor and Jason Sims! Did you throw the snowball?"

Sims – they had to be the Harriet's twin sons. In elementary school, Kathryn and Harriet Sims had been best friends, but then they lost sight of each other. Kathryn knew that Harriet became a mother, but she never found the time to visit her.

"Duty placed on life once again," she thought cynically.

Meanwhile, she and Picard reached her parents' house. This time the stars adorning the windows were a mixture of Phoebe's skillful stars and several clumsy attempts to make something out of paper that had a vague similarity to stars.

"Phoebe's children inherited their craftsmanship from me, I fear," Kathryn said dryly. Together with Picard she entered the living room. Nothing had changed. The couch, the fireplace, the bookshelf – everything was as Kathryn remembered it. The still undecorated Christmas tree was waiting in its corner, on the low coffee table stood a bottle of red wine and two glasses. Kathryn knew the brand, her mother's favorite. Genuine red wine with real alcohol, which was brought out only on special occasions. Kathryn stepped to the fireplace. The childhood pictures of Phoebe and herself on the mantelpiece were pushed into the background. Instead there was Phoebe's wedding picture, photos of Phoebe's children and in the front a picture of Kathryn in the uniform of a captain in Starfleet.

"Be careful, the box will fall apart soon." Kathryn spun around when she heard her mother's voice. Gretchen Janeway entered the living room together with Phoebe. Both women were laden with boxes. "What would Kathryn say when she comes home and discovers that you smashed our Christmas decorations?"

"You're still convinced that she's coming back, right?" Phoebe observed.

"Darling, you know, I've always believed in her coming home someday, even as it was said that they are all dead. Since we have regular contact now, I am firmly convinced – please pass me the box with the red balls, dear – Kathryn is stubborn as a mule. When she sets her mind on something there is nothing that will divert her from her path. I hope these people with whom she is out there know just how lucky they are having Kathryn as their captain."

"But once she had been diverted from her path," Phoebe said gloomily as she put the candles on the tree.

"You mean, when she wanted to drop out of Starfleet after Edward's death?" Gretchen looked warmly at her younger daughter. "You have not diverted her from her path. On the contrary, if someone is destined to fly into space, it's Kathryn. She is like her father. Edward would not have been happy, if I had tried to tie him to earth."

"But then they would still be here," said Phoebe.

"Maybe," Gretchen said, "But would they be the persons we love? I loved Edwards's adventurousness and his scientific curiosity. That's why I married him, and no pencil pusher. And Kathryn? Can you imagine what kind of a contentious and under-worked woman your sister would have become, if she'd not been thrown out into space?"

Phoebe smiled: "That's what I told her, too."

"And this is not less true just because Kathryn is a few thousand light years away from us. She's out there and doing what she loves and what she does best – and some day she will come back to us. I just know it."

Gretchen put the Christmas tree balls to the side, went to the living room table and poured herself and Phoebe a glass of the waiting red wine. "To Edward and Kathryn, wherever you are – Merry Christmas!"


	12. December, the 12th

**December, the 12th**

* * *

Kathryn did not know whether Picard had tried to persuade her to go. In no way could she break away from her family. She was there when her mother and Phoebe finished decorating the tree and emptied the bottle of red wine. She listened to the stories they told each other. Some were old stories from her and Phoebe's childhood, some were new stories in which Phoebe's children played the starring role.

Shortly after the tree was decorated, Kathryn finally met her niece and nephew. Both children stormed into the house, with red cheeks and full of stories about the dangerous snowball fight adventures they had survived. Kathryn could hardly turn her eyes away from the two of them. In Phoebe's son she sensed some glimpses of her father, Phoebe's daughter was the spitting image of her sister. Of course she had received holo-recordings of both children, but to see them firsthand was quite a different cup of coffee.

Slowly the night descended over Indiana. Kathryn was there when her family sat down together at the festive table. There was goose with chestnut stuffing – just like every Christmas since Kathryn could remember. Then the children were finally allowed to enter the living room where the tree was lit up festively. The speechless astonishment of the two children was almost too much. It was so nice, so quiet, so peaceful. She would have kept and treasured every moment - even as a short time later the calm and peace were over.

Kathryn's niece and nephew fervidly sang some of the best Christmas songs.

"I think the phrase 'not nice, but loud' was marked specifically for those two," she said with a pained expression. "Poor Phoebs, apparently she really passed no spark of her artistic talents to her children."

"After all, your nephew presented some remarkably creative texts," Picard remarked seriously.

"You mean, 'I'm dreaming of a white tribble' or 'On the first day of Christmas a Klingon gave to me'? Kathryn wanted to know, "very creative, in fact."

"I was particularly fond of 'The little Klingon boy'," said Picard and hummed: 'Come, they told me. Pa ra pa pa pum. We have a Targ to kill. Pa ra pa pa pum.'

Your little nephew seems to be in his Klingon phase, doesn't he? When I was his age, I was particularly fond of 'God rest you merry Vulcan-men'."

Only when the children were in bed, Picard urged to leave: "We still have a lot ahead of us, Captain Janeway."

Before Kathryn could protest, the familiar walls of her parents' home crumbled one more time around them and she found herself with Picard in another room again. A room that seemed vaguely familiar to her.

"This is Mark's apartment."

Picard nodded.

This room was festively decorated, too - much more overloaded then she would ever have expected from her former fiancé - and another tree gleamed in the corner.

"What am I doing here?"

Picard pointed to the sofa. Kathryn was speechless for a moment. There Mark was sleeping in a half-lying, half sitting position and snuggled up to him a woman was sleeping. His wife. The woman who had ousted Kathryn. A baby was slumbering between the two of them. A brown fluffy something lay long stretched before the couch and was even snoring a bit - Mollie. It was a beautiful picture. And when the first pain had subsided, Kathryn noted that it felt right. Mark had a good life, the woman looked nice and the child ... Kathryn sighed. Of course, she had always wanted children of her own somehow, but if she was honest with herself, her career had always been first to her. It was unlikely that she and Mark would have become parents eventually, even if she had stayed in the Alpha Quadrant.

"I suppose your lesson is that I didn't make all of them miserable," she turned to Picard.

"That's how you could summarize it," Picard laughed. "But come on, we have some more visits to pay."


	13. December, the 13th

**December, the 13th**

* * *

A split second later Kathryn found herself in a posh dining room, one she had never seen before. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling and the furniture was 19th century, Kathryn guessed. The table was festively set with long candles in silver candlesticks, white damask tablecloth, crystal glasses, fine porcelain and expansive pine decoration. But although she had never seen the place before, the fact that Owen Paris presided at the head of the table, revealed to Kathryn that this had to be in Tom's parents' house. The other people present seemed to be Tom's mother and his siblings with their partners. Kathryn smiled at the thought that the preference for the Old Fashioned was probably in the Paris' family and that Tom – being the rebel he was – had simply chosen a different century.

Owen Paris was apparently just in his Christmas speech.

"... And of course we think of Tom, B'Elanna and our future grandchild who are out there in the Delta Quadrant, where they uphold the ideals of the Federation. This year is a particularly joyous Christmas because we not only know that Tom is alive, but that he is doing well, that he got married and is even an expecting father. I can not tell you how proud I am of what he has accomplished in recent years. Therefore: To Tom and B'Elanna - may they be in our midst soon!"

"To Tom and B'Elanna," echoed the assembled company, and raised their glasses.

Kathryn smiled. She was pleased that father and son had moved closer, even if they were so many light years apart. Both of them deserved it.

Picard smiled, too: "I think your Tom Paris will accomplish great things someday, Captain Janeway. But there is another set of parents I want to show you. "

If Kathryn had ever wondered how the Kims would spend Christmas, she would have had the image of a lonely old couple in mind, who celebrated a sad Christmas quietly.

Nothing was further from the noisy party, in which Kathryn found herself now. A large hall was full of Kims, aunts, uncles, and cousins, all celebrating together happily. The tables groaned under a buffet that had to offer seemingly everything that was considered as a delicacy somewhere on earth – from sushi to turkey to a real English plum pudding.

Kathryn looked around.

"You are looking for Harry's parents?" said Picard. "That's Mrs. Kim," Picard pointed out a smiling lady who was just tossed on the dance floor by a young man, "along with Ensign Kim's cousin Lee. Mr. Kim does not dance as much as his wife; you can find him back there."

Kathryn saw an older gentleman who was sitting in the midst of a bunch of kids who hung on his every word, apparently fascinated.

"Mr. Kim entertains his young relatives with the adventures of the brave Ensign Kim, hero of the Delta Quadrant," Picard explained to Kathryn.

Meanwhile, the music had stopped and Harry's cousin Lee stepped to the microphone: "At this point, as every year, our salute to the family member for whom the way to our little party is still too far: Harry, come on, the Delta Quadrant isn't that far away. Come back soon - Merry Christmas!"

The gathered Kims raised their glasses and shouted in a seemingly already traditional ritual: "Merry Christmas, Harry!"

"They all have so much confidence, that's incredible," Kathryn whispered.

"They have received letters from their loved ones and know that they are doing well," Picard said.

"Well?" Kathryn said mockingly, "I think this is an exaggeration - they are in the Delta Quadrant."

"Let's have a look."


	14. December, the 14th

**December, the 14th**

* * *

Picard lent her his arm and once again they were drawn through a vortex of time and space, and Kathryn found herself – at home. It wasn't until this very moment, returning to one of the familiar gray corridors and hearing the low hum of the warp drive, that Kathryn truly realized how much Voyager had become her home over the past seven years. It had been nice to visit her childhood home and seeing her family again, but being back on Voyager now, she knew she belonged here. Voyager was her home, her place to be.

Picard articulated her thoughts. "Welcome home, Captain Janeway."

"Now you will show me how my crew does Christmas," Kathryn stated. Her thoughts drifted back to the families they just visited. Neither Tom nor Harry would be able to celebrate Christmas with their families in the near future. It was not fair.

Picard nodded. "Come, Captain Janeway."

Picard led Kathryn to Sickbay. Both glided effortlessly through the closed doors. Kathryn knew Sickbay as either empty, or with at least one member of the crew laying on one of the bio beds in a critical medical condition. But today was different. The Doctor, Seven of Nine and Harry Kim stood in a semicircle in the middle of the room. Each had a music stand in front of him and Harry had his clarinet. Now the Doctor dictated the rhythm with a big gesture.

"Joy to the World, the Lord is come!  
Let Earth receive her King;"

Seven's voice sounded through the sickbay clear and bright.

"Let every heart prepare Him room", the Doctor took over.

Then his and Sevens voice interwove for the next verse.

"And Heaven and nature sing,  
And Heaven and nature sing,  
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing."

During the last notes Harry raised his clarinet and started an interlude. Kathryn swallowed, this was so beautiful.

The Doctor seemed to be of a different opinion.

"No, no, no, Mr. Kim. You got lost in the coloratura far too much. The piece is meant to have _drive_, don't you come to me with some kind of romantic fluff."

"This is not fluff," Harry defended himself. "This interlude is supposed to be played exactly this way."

"Pooh," the Doctor exclaimed. "Take a lesson from Seven of Nine. She does not have your years of musical training and is still a superb performer."

"My vocal sub-processor enables me to sing complex melodies flawlessly," Seven said matter-of-factly. "I believe it is inappropriate to compare Ensign Kim's musical abilities with mine. As a matter of fact, I thought Ensign Kim's interpretation to be entirely appropriate for the occasion."

"Did you?"

Kathryn saw that the Doctor obviously doubted Seven's mind.

"I do. If I understand correctly, this festival is one filled with romantic connotations. Therefore, Ensign Kim's romantic interpretation of this movement is appropriate to the occasion. "

"Thank you, Seven."

Kathryn watched Harry blushing a little. Apparently her ensign was still not over his affection for Seven.

Seven raised an eyebrow. "There's nothing to thank me for. As the Doctor noted frequently; in music, perfection sometimes lies in improvisation."

Yikes, was that a smile that flickered Sevens lips? Kathryn was not sure.

"Well, let's start over," the Doctor growled. "And remember, Mr. Kim that this particular piece needs a little pepper besides all that romance."

"Joy to the World, the Lord is come!  
Let earth receive her King!"

Kathryn could swear that Seven did her part in a much more romantic way this time. And the way she winked at Harry Kim ...

"Let every heart prepare Him room,"

The Doctor sang his part substantially snappier anyway.

"And Heaven and nature sing,  
And Heaven and nature sing,  
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing. "

Now both pulled themselves together and their voices harmonized perfectly again. Kathryn laughed nevertheless.

"Do you think we witnessed the beginning of something?" she asked Picard, as they left Sickbay.


	15. December, the 15th

**December, the 15th**

* * *

"Last Christmas  
I gave you my heart ..."

Kathryn groaned as they entered the mess hall just the moment the Christmas song she hated more than any other was being played.

"Welcome to Christmas hell," she grumbled.

"I do not think I've ever seen such a thing before," Picard said, dryly.

The mess hall did not look the way Kathryn was used to, actually. Neelix had made even more festive embellishments. Apparently he had used one of their last stops to obtain fir-like tree branches that were now spread on the tables and – tied into garlands – adorned the counter and the replicator.

Near Neelix's kitchen some tables were pushed together. Around the tables several crew members were gathered baking cookies. Kathryn saw Tal Celes, a spot of dough sticking to her nose. Mortimer Harren stood next to her and tried his very best to look disinterested. Kathryn would have never suspected that her theoretical cosmologist could enjoy such a mundane activity as Christmas baking.

But Kathryn realized that Christmas_ really _was a time of wonder, when she saw Ensign Vorik sitting at the end of the table, adorning gingerbread men with perfect little faces.

Of course Naomi and Icheb were on it, too. The two wore colorful patterned aprons, obviously originating from Neelix's stores.

Kathryn peeked curiously over the shoulders of her two youngest crew members. The cookies on Icheb's sheet were accurately lined up and looked very much alike, as if they were fresh from the replicator. On Naomi's sheet on the other side was colorful chaos. The little dough particles were apparently randomly distributed over the plate and far from perfect. Here a star was missing a tooth, there a bell was remarkably unbalanced, but Naomi beamed from one ear to another.

"I see, perfection is irrelevant in the production of Christmas cookies," Icheb said, dryly, just as Naomi proudly placed a particularly strange object in the middle of her baking sheet.

"My mom says, you have to see that something is homemade, otherwise you could replicate the same things and the whole effort would be futile," Naomi said unmoved, and dropped a piece of dough into her mouth.

"It seems to me, that nibbling raw dough is, however, one of your reasons for an activity of this kind," Icheb teased his friend. "If you continue to nibble so much, there won't be much left to bake."

Kathryn thought this very unlikely, given the five major bowls of dough that waited behind the counter. How did Neelix get all the ingredients?

"But it tastes so good," Naomi defended herself, "and besides, my mom says that nibbling dough is the best part of Christmas baking."

"But we need to have enough cookies for the party tonight. We promised that to Lieutenant Paris." Icheb placed a series of perfect stars on his baking sheet again.

"And we will keep our promise, my young friend, do not worry," Neelix said and put a new bowl of cookie dough on the table.

"Too bad we did not get any coconut flakes. My mom likes coconut macaroons best of all," Naom said.

Neelix shrugged regretfully. "I'm really sorry, sweetie. I diverted as many replicator rations, as I could."

"It's all right, Neelix," Naomi said in a very adult way. "At least we can bake the brownies for the captain – she is coming, Neelix, right?"

"I'll do my very best, sweetie. But you know, the Captain is very busy."

"But it's Christmas," Naomi insisted. "And if you tell her, that we are baking brownies just for her, she has to come, right?"

"I'll tell her, Naomi," said Neelix, "and she will appreciate it."

"Good," Naomi nodded and turned back to her plate. "Without the Captain it is not a real celebration."

"This is emotional blackmail, you know," Kathryn turned to Captain Picard. Picard shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

"I'm just doing my job, Captain Janeway."

Kathryn glared at her colleague.

"You know that this is a very weak argument, Captain Picard. A Starfleet officer never does just his job; a Starfleet officer acts out of conviction."

Picard smiled. "Gotcha, Captain. Come on now, there are still a few visits to make."

"I suspect even more extortion," Kathryn grumbled.


	16. December, the 16th

Only eight days to go till Christmas; can you believe that?  
Again I'd like to thank all of you who are following or even reviewing my story – thank you so much. Each and every review means so much to me!

**December, the 16th**

* * *

This time Picard showed her Toms and B'Elannas quarters. Kathryn had not been there for a long time. She looked around curiously. On the low coffee table was an old-fashioned Advent wreath, all four candles burning. The two had their own little tree set up in a corner of their quarters. Two colorful wrapped packages already waited under the tree. B'Elanna was snuggling up to her husband on the sofa. Tom had his arm around her shoulders; in the other hand he was holding a PADD, which he was studying closely.

"Do you have to organize the Christmas party all the time?" B'Elanna said.

Tom nodded. "It looks very good. Harry and I finished the program for the holo-deck last night – no, you know, I won't tell you what we've come up with this year. There is no need to look at me that way. Neelix takes care of the catering and the Doctor will be happy to entertain us with a little concerto together with Seven and Harry."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes.

"Come on." Tom took B'Elanna even tighter in his arm. "It would have been very un-Christmassy to keep him from this little gig, and besides, I have limited his time to fifteen minutes."

"This means that he has planned a program for at least half an hour," Torres said, laughing. "Tom, you know him. Give him an audience and he will never find an end ..."

"In an emergency, you just have to pretend that you are going into labor," Tom grinned.

"Very believable in the second trimester," B'Elanna said, dryly.

"Too bad that we won't get a Christmas child," Tom mused. "But if I imagine that we will celebrate next Christmas as a threesome ..."

"I know, Tom," B'Elanna said softly, stroking her belly, "it's unbelievable, isn't it?"

Kathryn also still thought it was incredible. If someone were to have predicted at the beginning of their journey that Tom and B'Elanna, of all of them, would establish the first Voyager family, she would have declared that person insane. But now she saw the two cuddling on the couch together. Their still new wedding rings sparkled in the dim light of candles and both radiated an incredible satisfaction and blissful anticipation.

The conversation turned to other matters. Kathryn was uncomfortable when she heard Tom saying:

"I think the Captain is not well. You should have seen her eyes when we met on the turbolift yesterday – the Janeway death glare _par excellence_."

"What did you do?" Torres said.

"Nothing."

B'Elanna gave her husband a killing glance.

"I was whistling a Christmas Carol," Tom admitted, sheepishly.

"You know, she can't stand that."

"I know," Tom said, guiltily, "I forgot for the moment. But I don't believe that I deserved Captain Grinch's glare of death for that."

"She won't come to the Christmas party, will she?" B'Elanna asked.

"Neelix is doing his very best, but the odds are pretty bad."

"Too bad," Torres said. "But it was probably to be expected. In recent years she escaped more quickly each time. I wonder what her problem with Christmas is."

Tom shrugged. "Everyone has his eccentricities. Nevertheless, we shouldn't let this drag us down. Neelix and I prepared a great party. It will be the highlight of the year, I promise B'Elanna."

"Still, it would be nice if she attended," B'Elanna muttered.

Kathryn turned to Picard. "Well, everyone on Voyager is happy and would be even happier if their Captain would finally find the true spirit of Christmas. Is that what you want to tell me?"

"Your mind is quick, Captain Janeway," Picard smiled, "as it should be for a Starfleet Captain. But I do not think you have really internalized this idea. Therefore, we will make a few more calls."

Kathryn took the presented arm resignedly. But if she was honest with herself, she found it a little exciting, watching her crew without them being aware of their captain's presence.


	17. December, the 17th

**December the 17th**

* * *

Kathryn followed Picard through her own ship. On the bridge, the engine room and in the laboratories mainly non-human crewmembers were on duty. Kathryn knew this was a gesture of camaraderie for their human companions, to whom this day meant so much. She felt a warm sensation. Her crew really was special.

They passed several crew quarters, where her people were preparing for the evening. Many crewmembers had some Christmas decorations set up. Kathryn saw homemade stars in the quarters of Sam and Naomi Wildman, not as elaborate as Phoebe's, but much better than anything she had ever done. A beautiful advent calendar sat on a shelf. The picture was of Voyager. Behind the open doors, Kathryn could read rules for survival on a spaceship. "The captain is always right" she read for example, or "It is not right to program Commander Tuvok's Replicator to sing 'If You're Happy and You Know It' every time the Commander orders tea." Kathryn could not help but have the very strong feeling that Tom Paris was the originator of this calendar*.

Sam took apparently advantage of the absence of her daughter to put the finishing touches on her gift. She just took a big red bow – seemingly used more than once – out of a drawer and wrapped it carefully around a large box.

Next door at the Delaney sisters', Kathryn realized that both sisters had more in common as she ever suspected. Megan was just crouching beside her bed wrapping a bottle of betazoid perfume carefully, while her sister was in the bathroom wrapping another bottle of betazoid perfume. Kathryn smiled as she imagined the looks on their faces when they would open their gifts later.

Another few quarters further up, Sue Nicoletti and Marla Gilmore were just dressing up for the evening. Kathryn was pleased that the two engineers had apparently befriended each other. It had been very difficult for the former crewmembers of the Equinox to be accepted at the beginning. But in the recent years they had proven themselves to be valuable members of the crew. Sue having invited Marla to her quarters was the final proof that they were fully accepted.

Lieutenants Carey's and Ayala's thoughts were with their families at this evening. Kathryn swallowed as she listened to the messages both recorded for their children. They told them of the adventures they had experienced, of their friends on Voyager, of the upcoming Christmas party and how often they thought of their families, how much they loved and missed them especially now.

Finally Kathryn and Picard entered one last quarter.

Chakotay had largely dispensed with Christmas decorations. Kathryn recalled how her First Officer had told her on their first Christmas in the Delta Quadrant that his people didn't celebrate Christmas, but he had learned to appreciate it very much, because it meant so much to the people around him. Now, some of Neelix' spare fir branches, together with one of Naomi's idiosyncratic stars, adorned his quarters.

Chakotay was sitting at his desk and was completely absorbed. Kathryn stepped closer. Her First Officer polished a wooden hair comb with passion. Obviously, he had carved it himself. Kathryn admired the loving work. The comb was made of dark wood and was crowned by a rose. The curved initials "K" and "J" clearly indicated whose hair this comb was meant to adorn.

Kathryn closed her eyes. There sat her First Officer and best friend and invested obviously a lot of time and love into a gift for her. And what had she to offer him in return? As matters stood, a lukewarm handshake.

Not enough, Kathryn, this is not enough, she said to herself, while she knew that the only right and true Christmas present wasn't anything one could touch with bare hands.

"Everyone needs social ties – even a Starfleet Captain," Picard said behind her, as if he could read her thoughts.

Kathryn looked at him, puzzled. Was that Picard, the prime example of a solitary Starfleet Captains?

"... That's what Counselor Troi tells me at least," Picard explained. "And I'm afraid she's right. But in the Alpha Quadrant, a Captain still has his family and friends outside the ship. Here in the Delta Quadrant, your crew is your family."

Kathryn nodded. After all, she had often referred herself to the community that the crew of the Voyager formed as a family.

"The duties of a captain are tremendously debilitating," Picard continued. "Do not waste even more power by unnecessarily distancing yourself from your people. I know this is a difficult balancing act. But you will make it."

Kathryn chewed on her bottom lip. She had never looked at it this way.

* * *

* As a matter of fact Kathryn is not quite right. The first one to think about not reprogramming Tuvoks replicator was Pink Angel in her wonderful "Voyager: A Survival Guide"


	18. December, the 18th

**December, the 18th**

* * *

Together with Picard Kathryn strolled through the corridors of her ship towards the holo-deck. Crew members flocked together from everywhere. Some were still wearing their uniforms, but many had dressed up to the nines. They all had a joyful anticipation in common. Kathryn could feel it crackle.

Together with some cadets from security the two Captains entered the holo-deck. Kathryn looked admiringly around. It was a tradition that Tom Paris would create a new festive environment every Christmas. This year he had excelled himself. They were in a large hall, which reminded Kathryn of an old English manor house.

The walls were wood-paneled and large chandelier hung from the rafters. Everywhere comfortable wing chairs and plush sofas were distributed, many already occupied by cheerful crewmembers.

One side of the room was almost entirely taken up by a huge buffet. Kathryn decided not to think about how many resources Neelix had probably spent. The crew had to eat anyway. She curiously inspected the range of food. The lushness of this buffet hardly seemed inferior to that of the Kim family. Only the offered dishes were much more intergalactic. Kathryn discovered the with so much love and effort baked cookies from the afternoon and a large bowl of punch and a Christmas-special-Leolaroot-soup, refined with cinnamon and cloves.

The decoration was lavish of course. A sea of fir garlands, holly and mistletoe decorated the room and a corner next to the grand fireplace was occupied by an enormous Christmas tree, while the old grandfather clock in the other corner was embellished with a mighty red bow.

Kathryn perceived with amusement that Jenny Delaney had conspicuously positioned herself close to the mistletoe. She sniffed. It seemed that the Delaney sisters had already exchanged their gifts. Jenny was covered in a heavy cloud of betazoid perfume.

Apparently Naomi Wildman already got her present, too. The big red bow, which Sam had just wrapped so carefully around a gift, now graced the hair of Kathryn's young assistant. Naomi hopped excitedly around the room, almost knocking over Tal Celes, who was carrying another tray of goodies to the buffet.

"Someone seems to be mighty excited," Picard said, dryly.

Kathryn smiled: "Looks that way."

Kathryn watched as Naomi was helping Celes to transport the tray toward the buffet while happily talking to her. Again Kathryn felt unhappy when she thought that Naomi had never experienced a "real" Christmas with her family and that she proudly wore an old bow in her hair.

Picard seemed to sense her thoughts: "Your Naomi seems to be a lucky girl. She celebrates Christmas surrounded by people who love her."

The two Captains wandered through the rapidly filling holo-deck.

The Doctor arrived with a dazzling-looking Seven of Nine on his arm. Seven wore a long burgundy red dress in the style of an Empire gown and her golden locks were pouring over her back, just held together by two clips in the form of glittering snowflakes. Kathryn noticed with amusement that more than one of their subordinates could barely turn his eyes from her.

Only Lieutenant Chapman seemed far more attracted by Jenny Delaney's betazoid perfume than by Seven's dazzling appearance. Why else would he take the opportunity to impose a shy kiss on Jenny who was still waiting under her mistletoe?

On their journey, the two Captains came to stand accidentally – or not so accidentally? Kathryn wasn't so sure – next to Sue Nicoletti and Joe Carey.

"You have spent the day with Marla Gilmore?" Joe had just inquired.

"Yes," Sue nodded.

"I never thought you would befriend each other," Joe remarked good-naturedly.

"Honestly, me neither," Sue admitted. "Not after this Equinox story. But Marla is actually a wonderful engineer, officer and woman. I often think just how lucky we are to be with Captain Janeway. It honestly scares me to think of how I might have acted in Marla's place – I'd like to believe that I would have done the right thing, but here on the Voyager we are in the luxurious position of having a Captain we can follow without hesitation."

"We are indeed," Joe said with conviction.

An incredibly warm feeling tickled through Kathryn's body. It would never have come to her mind that her crew could have this kind of perspective on the fact that they were stranded with her in the Delta Quadrant. Picard gently squeezed her elbow as they moved on, but said nothing.


	19. December, the 19th

**December, the 19th**

* * *

"Ho, ho, ho!"

Despite her pensive mood Kathryn had a hard time not to burst into laughter, when suddenly a Santa Claus entered the holo-deck who looked pretty Talaxian under his white beard.

The crew gave way respectfully.

"Have you all been good?" Santa Claus demanded to know.

The crew nodded eagerly.

"Even Lieutenant Paris?" Santa Claus persisted.

"Of course," Tom cried.

"Well, well," Santa Claus replied. "Are there any witnesses?"

"Me," B'Elanna answered, laughing.

"You are his wife, I don't know if I can let this count," Santa Claus grumbled. "Is there someone else?" Santa glanced conspicuously significantly towards the Doctor.

"Mr. Paris behavior was not unacceptable during the last year", the hologram lowered himself to say.

"What a praise," Santa Claus announced. "This must be rewarded!"

He reached into his bag and grandly handed Tom one lollipop.

"Then I can really assume that on this ship there are just good people who have earned a reward after a year of hard work. Therefore I say: The buffet is open! "

Long lines formed in front of the buffet immediately. Kathryn went to Tom and B'Elanna. The two had made themselves comfortable on one of the big sofas. Tom watched the scene with amusement. How mature he appeared at this moment. Picard was right, the boy had what it takes to make great. As Kathryn watched him, she was a little proud of herself. Who knew what would have become of him if he had stayed on earth? This Tom Paris definitely had what it takes to become a spaceship Captain himself one day.

"Chakotay!"

Kathryn spun around as B'Elanna waved to her first officer.

"Merry Christmas, B'Elanna."

Chakotay gave B'Elanna a brief hug and a light kiss on the cheek.

"Hem, hem," Tom scoffed.

"Jealous, Tom?" Chakotay teased.

"Of course, you never kissed me," Tom grinned.

"You're not pretty enough," Chakotay replied, laughing.

"You say you discriminate against me because of my looks?"

"In this respect, yes – but I have brought you a little present," Chakotay distracted and handed B'Elanna a packet. Kathryn noticed the other packet that he lay down beside him on the table very well.

"Oh, Chakotay, that's wonderful," Torres cried, as she unpacked a faithful miniature Voyager. This Voyager was made of wood, had small wheels and a cord so a child could trail it behind. B'Elanna leaned forward and gave Chakotay a quick kiss.

But before Tom could intervene again, Chakotay stood up quickly.

"I think the crowd over there has thinned out a little. Can I bring you something to eat? "

"I'll fetch it," Tom was standing up. "Remain seated quietly, Commander. Leola root soup for you, B'Elanna?"

Laughing, the pilot escaped from his seemingly impetuous mad half Klingon wife.

"The Captain won't come, will she?" B'Elanna inquired as she was alone with Chakotay.

"I don't think so. When I was in her ready room earlier, she had buried herself under a mountain of PADDs. Apparently she plans to work through Christmas."

"I heard Neelix tried to lure her with brownies," Torres said. "If that does not help, it's probably futile."

"Unfortunately," Chakotay nodded. "It would have done her good. Lately I have the feeling that she is moving apart from us even more."

"I do not," Kathryn wanted to protest, but Chakotay was probably right. Especially since her experiences on the planet of the Quarren it seemed easiest and safest for her to just close up.

Chakotay and B'Elanna interrupted their conversation when Tom came back with three plates full of goodies, and Picard and Kathryn took up their walk again. Kathryn was grateful that again Picard refrained from commentary.


	20. December, the 20th

AN: Just a few days left till Christmas and still no sign of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. Maybe that's changing today...

**December, the 20th**

* * *

The crew had barely finished their meal when the Doctor called everybody to attention.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, on the occasion of this festive event Ensign Kim, Seven of Nine and I have put together a small musical program, which you'll surely enjoy. We have ..."

By the Doctor's look, Kathryn saw that he would have had a lot more to say had he not been interrupted by the loud applause of his comrades. When that subsided a bit, Harry Kim immediately started with his first piece.

Like the sample Kathryn had heard in the infirmary, the whole performance was beautiful. Of course the Doctor had only chosen the great classical works, and he, Harry and Seven presented them with virtuosity. Kathryn had tears in her eyes. This music had not lost its emotional impact even after centuries. And not just on humans. Kathryn saw that even B'Elanna, who had just bitched a little about the Doctor's musical ambitions, listened spellbound.

However, Kathryn saw that Chakotay was enchanted as well. Especially when Seven of Nine performed "Amazing Grace" he could barely take his eyes off her, almost as if he had never really noticed her before. Kathryn bit her lips and quickly turned her eyes away.

Later there was dancing. Chakotay danced first with B'Elanna (though Tom made a show of protesting), then with Naomi Wildman, then he asked Seven of Nine. Probably none of the two saw that at this very moment Harry Kim had summoned all his courage and had been on his way to Seven of Nine. But Kathryn saw it, even as she saw Harry quietly withdrawing into a corner. After their dance, Chakotay and Seven settled to a lively conversation in a cozy nook.

Meanwhile, the second package that Chakotay brought to this celebration remained unnoticed on one of the tables.

"We should go," Kathryn told Picard. "I think I've seen all I needed to."

"And you did not like it?"

"I think I've just seen the beginning of something, that should never happen," Kathryn said flatly. "I understand the both of them, I really do. Like you said, everyone needs a social bond. But this is wrong. "

"I'm sorry, Captain Janeway," Picard said with sincere compassion.

"I guess the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come will show me their happy family," Kathryn commented bitterly.

"I cannot say what my colleague will show you. I am only responsible for the present," said Picard. "But as you know from the relevant stories, you can change both the present and the future, if you do not like what we show you, Captain Janeway. Seize this opportunity. And that comb did not bear the initials of Seven of Nine, always keep that in mind."

"I think for one Christmas I've learned enough. Can't we just skip this with the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?" Kathryn asked without any real hope. "I promise I'll go to this Christmas party and celebrate a Christmas that no one will ever forget."

Picard shook his head regretfully. "I'm sorry, these are the rules. Everyone gets a visit from all three ghosts. Only then can we be certain that you have really learned your lesson."

The big grandfather clock in Tom's Christmas simulation struck midnight. At this instant it was dark around the two captains and all noises fell silent.

"My time with you is almost over, Captain Janeway," Picard said and even now Kathryn was scientist enough to wonder why she could see him so clearly, despite the surrounding impenetrable darkness.

"Now it's the turn of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. Perhaps you will not like what he shows you, Captain Janeway, but it's a gift, please accept it."

"The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come - who might that be?" Kathryn wondered.

"Well, who's most likely?" a gruff voice behind her answered.

Kathryn turned around.

"Captain Braxton!"


	21. December, the 21st

**December, the 21st**

* * *

"Janeway," Braxton nodded.

"You are supposed to be the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come, how appropriate." Kathryn did not bother trying to suppress the slight sarcasm in her voice.

"I'm not here voluntarily," Braxton clarified. "Someone seems to have a strange sense of humor. And I can't approve that I am involved in this timeline-messing action because of you. So let's just get it over with."

Kathryn noted that the darkness around them had changed. She perceived contours, a window, furniture.

"Computer, lights," she ordered, and although the computer should not have been allowed to listen to her, the lights went on. They were in a prestigious apartment overlooking the San Francisco Bay.

Kathryn was shivering and it was not because the temperature in the apartment would have been low. In the 24th Century all apartments were perfectly climate-regulated. The apartment itself seemed to give off a coolness that went through and through. Kathryn walked through the room. The perfect order was almost eerie. Did anybody really live here? The furniture and various ornaments seemed so impersonal, like in a hotel. Not as if this apartment would be home to anybody.

Only two photos in one of the nearly empty shelves pointed out that someone lived in this sterile environment. One was a group photo showing the senior officers of Voyager, the other was of Edward Janeway.

"This is my apartment?" Kathryn said.

Braxton nodded.

Although Kathryn disliked this apartment so much, the implication of living in an apartment in San Francisco was instantly clear to her.

"I brought them home!"

Braxton nodded again.

"But not all is well?"

"Look around you, Janeway. You have a great apartment in the residential complex of the Admiralty, why shouldn't everything be well?" Braxton said sarcastically.

Kathryn decided not to respond to him.

"I guess it's Christmas again and there's something I should see. So let's just do it," she said firmly.

"If you want to," Braxton grumbled and the environment changed again. Kathryn found herself in Starfleet Headquarters once more. Only a few people gathered in the hall. Braxton led Kathryn to two admirals.

"Have you heard? Terrible," the first admiral said.

"Yes, what a loss. Did you know her?" the other one asked.

"We met a few times, but I cannot say I knew her personally."

"Who did? This woman seemed to consist of duty only."

"Some say she never really arrived in the Alpha Quadrant."

"Good point."

"It will be a real blow for her former crew. I have never seen a team that was so devoted to their captain."

"Me neither. It always comes back to the fact that this woman has done incredible things."

"Therefore, her loss is even worse for Starfleet."

"Especially when you consider that her sacrifice was pointless. If she had only waited half an hour, Captain Chakotay would have been there with reinforcements."

"They say she eventually ceased to trust others. Starting with the bureaucrats here at headquarters ..."

"... No blame in that ..."

"... Then to her own staff and, finally, she did not even trust her old associate from Voyager."

"That is something of a tragedy – the greatest heroine of Starfleet and such a meaningless end ..."

"You are so right – and especially at Christmas!"

"Tragic, tragic – but nevertheless I wish you a Merry Christmas. Give my regards to your wife."

"Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too and best wishes to the family."

Kathryn went deathly pale during the talk. Although no name was mentioned, she could not doubt about whose meaningless sacrifice the two had just spoken.

"It was me. They talked about me", she stated flatly.

"Whom else?" Braxton asked cynically. "After all, this little event is all about you! But let's not stand here meaninglessly. Keep going."


	22. December, the 22nd

**December, the 22nd**

* * *

Kathryn and Braxton found themselves at the Starfleet memorial cemetery. Ahead of them stood a tomb that was as pompous as it was hideous. Kathryn took all her inner strength to wipe the snow from the brass plate. Although she knew whose name she was about to find there, the merciless truth hit her like a blow.

Kathryn Janeway  
Vice Admiral  
2335-2380

"Too short, too short," flashed through her mind as she internalized the annual figures.

On the base of the tomb lay a single dark red rose. Kathryn looked questioningly at Braxton. Braxton pointed to the snow-covered path, where now two women were approaching. Gray hair and wrinkles on their faces indicated that not only years, but decades had passed. But even without the Klingon forehead ridges and the Borg implants Kathryn would have instantly recognized B'Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine.

"He was already here," the elderly Seven observed.

"What did you expect?" the equally old B'Elanna said. "He has been coming here every year to lay a rose on her grave for over 40 years."

"He could never forget," Seven said thoughtfully. "Too bad I did not realize what was going on between those two at the time."

"You were too young," Torres said.

"Immature describes it better probably," Seven said and Kathryn heard the bitterness that resonated in these words: "It could have turned out so differently – if ..."

"... If you would have known better back then", B'Elanna said impatiently. Kathryn had the strong feeling that this discussion had been conducted many times. "If Harry had been less shy or Chakotay less lonely, or the Captain just not so damn stubborn – Seven this is pointless." B'Elanna's voice was soft now. Kathryn wondered when the two women had become friends during last the decades.

"Regret is irrelevant," Seven said with a bitter little laugh.

"We all regret that it has come this way." B'Elanna pointed to the tomb. "She was the best Captain we could wish for. And to me she was one of the most important people in my life. Without her ..." B'Elanna's voice seemed to fail for a moment.

"I know," Seven laid her hand on B'Elanna's arm. "She has made us who we are."

"Sometimes I think we should have never come back from the Delta Quadrant," B'Elanna said thoughtfully. "We never noticed that the mission had become her whole purpose in life and that she had lost that when we returned to the Alpha Quadrant. We were all too busy with ourselves ..."

"You had Miral," Seven said.

"Of course. Each of us had a good reason to care only about himself. Tom and I had our newborn baby. Tuvok was sick, you were just busy adjusting to a life in the Alpha Quadrant ..."

"... And he was busy with his Borg-girl." Again this weird bitterness in Sevens voice. "An affair that was doomed to failure from the beginning."

"You needed his support during this time," Torres said softly. "And she has always been so strong, as if she never needed anyone. Presumably she was even proud of herself when she applied for this suicide mission. Duty above everything."

Kathryn was shocked. Over the years she had seen it as her prime purpose to fulfill her duty and get her crew back home and now it seemed to be only of minor importance to these two women. At the same time she was strangely moved. Forty years had gone by after her death, B'Elanna had said and yet the two were apparently still mourning. No, they didn't just mourn, they were full of remorse about missed opportunities and unlived lives.

Kathryn gave the red rose another look. Forty years, every Christmas ... Even if neither woman had spoken out his name aloud, Kathryn knew there could be only one.

"Chakotay" Without intending to, her lips formed the word. Kathryn closed her eyes.


	23. December, the 23rd

**December, the 23rd**

* * *

"Chakotay"

At once Kathryn realized that something was wrong. Why was she suddenly lying on the – no, not on the floor – this felt like her bed. Kathryn opened her eyes and saw the familiar contours of the window under which she had been sleeping for almost seven years.

"Computer, lights!"

Yes, she was back in her quarters on Voyager in fact. Kathryn jumped out of bed and looked around. Her uniform was still hanging over the chair, exactly where she had carelessly placed it what seemed to be an eternity away. The cup with the remaining broth was still on the dining table. Everything seemed so normal – and jet so different, new and wonderful. There was the couch where she had first found Seska, then James T. Kirk. Kathryn felt almost like dancing. It was the morning of the 24th of December and she would be able to change everything. It was the 24th, wasn't it?

"Computer, what day is it, San Francisco-time?" she asked.

"The 24th of December 2377."

So it was really like in the Dickens novel, it had all happened in one night. Or had anything happened at all? Kathryn wondered briefly whether she should order Harry to look for temporal or other abnormalities, then decided against it. She didn't want this secret to be revealed and Kim should better prepare for his performance with the Doctor and Seven.

"Joy to the World", Kathryn hummed softly as she went under the sonic shower. She had so much to do today.

On the way to the mess hall Kathryn saw the surprised faces of several crew members. No wonder it had been a long time ago that Kathryn felt so happy and confident, and she made no effort to hide her high spirits.

"Last Christmas  
I gave you my heart ..."

Again, this song played just the moment Kathryn entered the casino. Neelix rushed toward her.

"Captain, what unexpected joy, sorry, computer end music program ..."

Neelix could obviously not decide whether he should first welcome her adequately or stop the music.

"Let it be, Mr. Neelix. I'm just here to tell you that it will be my pleasure to participate in your party tonight."

Kathryn had to laugh when she saw Neelix flabbergasted expression.

"I've heard there will be homemade brownies," she said confidentially. "I want you to save me an extra-large portion."

"Of course," Neelix croaked.

"And I have heard you forgot the coconut macaroons for Ensign Wildman in your planning," she said sternly, and feasted on Neelix expression growing even more dumbfounded. "Take the required replicator rations from my personal account."

Kathryn left her still paralyzed moral officer in the casino and made her way to the bridge. It took all her willpower to maintain the appropriate stride for a captain. Her legs seemed to have developed a life of their own, they wanted to dance and jump. It was Christmas and everything was wonderful.


	24. December, the 24th

**December, the 24th**

* * *

In retrospect, Kathryn wondered more than once, what her crew might have thought of her on this 24th December. Anyway, she was very grateful that no one had come to the obvious idea having her mental health examined.

Kathryn spent the whole day in a state of elation. She visited Neelix, Naomi, Icheb and the others when baking cookies and nibbled a little dough, gave the Lieutenants Carey and Ayala just that extra chat time with the Alpha Quadrant and was generally in such a good mood that both Chakotay and Tom Paris gave her puzzled glances all day long.

In the evening, Kathryn took unusual care with her appearance. She had briefly considered getting a gift for Chakotay too, but decided against it. What she had to give him was intangible after all.

As Kathryn entered the holo-deck, everything was just as she had seen it the night before, the great old English hall, the Christmas tree, the garlands and Jenny Delaney waiting under her mistletoe.

"Captain!" Naomi Wildman rushed up to her. "I am so glad that you came. And we put your brownies aside."

Naomi pulled her along. Kathryn laughed.

"I wouldn't have wanted to miss this for anything in the world," she said.

Naomi beamed. "You wouldn't? Neelix thought maybe you wouldn't come, but I just knew that this was humbug."

"Humbug," Kathryn murmured to herself. Indeed.

"You look so beautiful today," Naomi babbled on.

"Thank you, you too," Kathryn laughed. "What a great bow."

"I got if for Christmas," Naomi said proudly. "Though, my mom said, this is just a gift bow and not for the hair, but I still think it's nice."

"Me too," sounded a deep voice behind them. "You can certainly say that here are the most beautiful women in the entire quadrant to be found."

"Thank you, Commander," Naomi said blushing and retreated.

"The most beautiful women?" Kathryn said, teasingly. A quick glance around the room had told her that Seven of Nine had not yet arrived.

Chakotay nodded. "You look especially radiant today, Kathryn."

"Thank you, Chakotay."

"Until this morning, I was afraid that you would not take part in this celebration."

"I wouldn't. But tonight the three ghosts of Christmas visited and converted me."

"Really?"

Kathryn saw that Chakotay took her words for a metaphor and that was just what she had intended.

"Really," she said with a smile.

"And what have they taught you?"

"That in addition to duty a Captain must not forget about humanity", Kathryn took a deep breath. "That a Captain is allowed to have feelings and act on them."

"Even a Captain in the Delta Quadrant?" Chakotay said.

"Especially a Captain in the Delta Quadrant!"

Much was said in later days about the Christmas that followed, and countless legends formed. Had the big three words "I love you" already been spoken that evening, or not until the next night? I cannot say. But one thing is certain: that all evening, Chakotay's gaze never turned away from his Captain; that he paid Seven of Nine's performance of "Amazing Grace" hardly any attention while Kathryn had the feeling that no song had ever spoken more to her soul; that they shared each dance and were inseparable in all respects since that night. And from this time on, it was always said of them, that they knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.

And Seven of Nine? She didn't mind at all. She spent most of the evening at Harry Kim's side.

When the clock struck midnight, around Kathryn all stayed bright. No Captain Braxton appeared in order to take her into a dark future. Kathryn rested her head on Chakotays chest and whispered:

"Merry Christmas!"

* * *

**_The End_**

_Really?_

_Maybe some of you noticed that the status of this story is still "in progress". A lapse?_

_Well, if you've been a good reviewer (err, reader, of course), maybe Santa will bring you a bonus chapter. Just check tomorrow :-)_

* * *

**_Fröhliche Weihnachten_**

_as we say in Germany_

_I wish you the most wonderful holidays and to quote Tiny Tim form the original Christmas Carol: _

_"God bless us, every one!"_


	25. December, the 25th

AN:Well, as it seems you've all been good :-)

**December, the 25th**

* * *

"Grandma, that was a fib, admit it," the little girl said defiantly.

The old lady smiled lovingly at her granddaughter. The child had inherited the red hair from her obviously, while her tender forehead ridges betrayed the fact that there were Klingons in her ancestral line; her temperament was probably attributed to both sides.

"I am a Starfleet Admiral," the old lady sternly said. "And an Admiral of Starfleet does not fib, Alex."

The girl seemed to think about it seriously.

"But there are no ghosts!"

"Really? If you say so ..."

"Everybody says that!"

"Then it has to be true," the old lady said seriously. "In any case, the most important events in my life happened on Christmas. On this special Christmas your Grandpa and I got together."

"And ever since you always wear your rose comb in your hair at Christmas," Alex added.

"Exactly," her grandmother agreed. "A year later already we celebrated Christmas in the Alpha Quadrant, and your Grandpa and I got engaged to be married and a year later again, your mom was born on Christmas. And that was perhaps the greatest miracle of all."

"Rather, I believe the greatest miracle of all would be if we survive tonight," laughed the young woman in the uniform of a Lieutenant Commander, who had just entered the living room, two winter jackets in her hand. "Come on Alex, Grandpa Tom and Grandma B'Elanna have been waiting for over 20 minutes on the skating rink and you know how little Grandma B'Elanna likes the cold."

"Oh, it's so late?" The old lady glanced at the clock. "You should have said something."

"And stop you in your story? Never, I have enjoyed listening to it too much myself. See you this evening, Ma!"

"See you, you two!"

The old lady watched smilingly, as her daughter and granddaughter made a hasty disappearance. Suddenly she was embraced from behind.

"I love listening to this story too," it murmured into her ear. "Even though you told me not to ask Jean-Luc if he remembers anything."

The old lady turned her face upward.

"And why do you like the story?" she asked teasingly.

"Because it ends just like any good story should end. With a happy ending, a kiss, several weddings and they all lived happily ever after."

"A kiss? There was no kiss in this story," the old lady smiled.

"Really? Then we should make up for it immediately!"

After some time, the old couple slowly broke their kiss. Hand in hand they went next door to the living room and began to decorate the tree; with red and gold balls, straw stars and real candles - as it had always been tradition with the Janeways.

* * *

**The End **

**Really**

* * *

_Acknowledgements_

_I'd like to thank everybody who read this story to this point. I hope it put just a bit extra-joy in the festive season for you. As to those of you who were kind enough to leave a review (or two, or three, or many…) THANK YOU SO MUCH! I loved each and every of your reviews. Especially I'd like to thank Pink Angel who wrote a review for every single chapter. You are amazing! _

_Additionally I'd like to thank two very special persons:_

_My friend Bettina, who does not only the Beta-read to my German stories but also to the translations (and whose English marks have always been better than mine)._

_Alpha Flyer, who did encourage me in translating my stories in the first place and took the time to check on the translations even in times she hardly had any spare time. _

_Last but not least I want to thank Charles Dickens and Gene Rodenberry for their great works that make the world just a friendlier place._

_And now once again: Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!_


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